Gentle Night Weaning: How to Rest Without Losing Connection

There’s a special kind of exhaustion that comes from feeding a small person in the small hours. It’s the foggy, bone-deep tiredness that settles in your chest and makes you fantasise about a full night’s sleep more than a spa weekend or a lottery win.

If you’re reading this, chances are you’re ready — or nearly ready — to make some changes. Maybe your baby is waking every hour to nurse, maybe they’re well past one and you feel you’ve been running the night milk café far too long. You’re not failing. You’re evolving. And there is a way to night-wean without trauma, tears, or losing the bond you’ve worked so hard to build.

This guide walks you through gentle, evidence-based night weaning, drawing on the work of some of the most respected names in responsive parenting and infant sleep: Lyndsey Hookway, Sarah Ockwell-Smith, Emma Pickett, and Helen Ball.

Why babies wake to feed (and why that’s not a flaw)

First, let’s reframe the “problem.” Frequent night waking is not a behavioural issue to fix — it’s a biological norm. As infant sleep researcher Professor Helen Ball has shown in decades of work, babies are born with immature sleep cycles. They surface into light sleep regularly for safety, connection, and feeding.

Breastfed babies, in particular, wake often because human milk digests quickly and because proximity to the breast is a key part of how their nervous systems regulate. As Emma Pickett IBCLC puts it, night nursing isn’t just about calories — it’s about “comfort, connection, temperature regulation, pain relief, and emotional security.”

Knowing this helps you understand that nothing is broken. Night weaning isn’t about “fixing” a bad habit — it’s about adjusting a relationship to suit a new stage of your family’s needs.

Is your baby ready?

Timing matters. Most experts — including Lyndsey Hookway, paediatric nurse and author of Holistic Sleep Coaching — advise holding off on night weaning before six months, when night feeds are still physiologically necessary. Between 6 and 12 months, many babies will still need one or more night feeds. After 12 months, night feeds are often more about comfort than nutrition, and gentle weaning becomes a realistic option.

If your baby is thriving, gaining weight, eating well in the day, and you want to make a change, that’s your green light.

Gentle night weaning: the core principles

All of the experts named above agree on one thing: night weaning should be a process built on responsiveness, connection, and consent. Here’s how that looks in practice:

1. Prepare in the daytime

As Sarah Ockwell-Smith, author of The Gentle Sleep Book, reminds us, sleep changes start with what happens while the sun’s up. Make sure your child is eating enough solid food in the day and getting plenty of opportunities for closeness — cuddles, stories, skin-to-skin. Emotional tanks filled in daylight spill over into more settled nights.

It’s also worth introducing a predictable bedtime routine if you haven’t already: same steps, same order, every night. Babies thrive on patterns.

2. Reduce gradually

Going cold turkey is a recipe for tears and mastitis. Instead, reduce feeds step by step. Many families find it easiest to tackle one feed at a time — often the first wake-up — while continuing to nurse for others.

You can offer comfort in other ways: rocking, patting, singing, cuddling, or a partner taking over. Hookway suggests extending the interval between feeds by a few minutes each night, slowly stretching the gaps until feeds naturally drop away.

3. Use loving language and boundaries

Words matter, even for toddlers who don’t yet talk back. Try phrases like:

• “Milk is sleeping now, but I’m here.”

• “You can have milk when the sun comes up.”

As Emma Pickett points out, night weaning isn’t about withdrawing support — it’s about shifting how you offer it. Boundaries wrapped in warmth are still boundaries.

4. Support, don’t substitute

A common fear is that stopping night feeds means abandoning your child to cry alone. That’s not gentle weaning — and it’s not necessary. As Ockwell-Smith says, “Responsive parenting doesn’t stop at night.” You can still pick up, cuddle, and soothe without nursing.

This isn’t about denying comfort — it’s about teaching that comfort comes in many forms, not just from the breast.

5. Expect a wobble — then a new normal

Most families report a few rough nights (often 3–7) followed by a noticeable shift. Babies learn fast when changes are made consistently and lovingly. Helen Ball’s research also shows that night waking tends to decrease naturally around 18–24 months, regardless of intervention — so sometimes, the best tool is simply time.

A few extra tips

• Feed more in the evening: A bedtime breastfeed plus a “dream feed” (if it works for you) can help.

• Consider co-sleeping: If it’s safe and you’re comfortable with it, proximity can ease the transition. Ball’s work highlights how responsive night-time parenting often leads to better long-term sleep outcomes.

• Tag-team with a partner: If possible, let someone else settle baby for wakings that don’t involve milk.

Guilt has no place here

Let’s be very clear: choosing to night-wean does not mean you’re less responsive, less loving, or less attached. It means you’re adapting. You are meeting your baby’s needs and your own — which, as Lyndsey Hookway reminds us, are equally valid.

This is not about “training” your child. It’s about evolving a feeding relationship that once worked perfectly into one that now works for both of you.

Final thought

Night weaning done gently is not about taking something away. It’s about expanding the ways your baby is nurtured and cared for. The milk might stop flowing at night, but the connection — that deep, hormonal, skin-and-soul bond — doesn’t end. It simply changes form.

And in that new form, there’s room for everyone to rest a little easier.